Last fall Metal Army caught up with the legendary ODERUS URUNGUS of GWAR. We had the time of our lives back stage hanging out with the former star columnist of Metal Army and talking about all things metal, punk, sex, drugs, rock and roll, politics, celebrities and especially killing sluts. Tragically, guitarist Cory Smoot (aka Flattus Maximus) passed away about a week later. We hung out with Cory at the show and out of respect for him we postponed publishing this mostly lighthearted interview until now. R.I.P. Corey.
MAA: For people who have never seen GWAR what could a fan expect going to a show?
ODERUS: Well they can expect the best and greatest, most amazing band and tour in fucking showbiz history, the mighty motherfucking GWAAAAR! And our return of the World Maggot Tour. A lot of people thought there was only one World Maggot. We are summoning the motherfucker. We’re gonna feed them into the machine, except their pussy’s. We’re gonna feed up to the pussies. We’re gonna try to tuck their legs under and feed them in. So basically you have a pussy cupcake you just kind of pull out and stick on your dick. Kind of like a brass ring of pussies to pile up on your cock! You pile them up on your cock until there is twenty or thirty of them. Then you know you had a good time!
MAA: What has been you all time favorite on stage “kill”?
ODERUS: My latest victim is my favorite: Snooki! (laughs). Last time we were killing LADY GAGA, but she died so quickly. There was nothing to her. There is so little to her body she basically disintegrated after about thirty seconds. Snooki is such a big, fat walrus of a scum sucking babbling brook of bile. A bitter, bulbous, uh…something else that starts with “B”, um bodylidge or something! With Snooki you can carve on that thing for half an hour and still be able to pull fresh guts. People love it!
MAA: Slavery has been been banned everywhere in the galaxy, but The Outer Rim Territories. How do you still get away with it?
ODERUS: Everything that we want we get because we are fucking GWAR. We call it the “G” card or sometimes you can call it the “G word”. When you drop that G-word people are like ‘Sorry Mr. Urungus, we didn’t know. Ok, ok yeah yeah yeah.’ It’s the threat of death that the word GWAR implies. You’re gonna do what we we say or you are gonna die. It’s not gonna be a normal death; its gonna be a horrible death. To die in public at a GWAR show? It’s gonna be horrible. But it does look like a fun way to die, to die at a GWAR show. But yeah the G-word gets us everything that we want.
MAA: Why have GWAR been such outspoken commentators of the failed political systems of our planet?
ODERUS: We’ve been commenting on the political system on Earth and it has been so fucking stupid for so long. I would remind the human race again is that in outer space the only reason we have politicians and lawyers is so we can crucify them on the planet of the crucified politicians and lawyers! That is the only fucking reason to have them. And I come to Earth these assholes are running your lives? Fuck! So I have dedicated my lives to overthrowing this power structure, but I guess my crack addiction holds me back a little bit. This tour I decided to ignore them and only kill fat celebrities like Snooki. I think this Occupy Wall Street thing is gonna sort things out for the human race once and for all. I think it’s time this Arab spring sets fire to something in The United States. It’s just a shame that an ally like Muammar Gadaffi had to be sacrificed. He has been a true friend to the United States for years behind the scenes.
MAA: Any chance Bishop will rejoin someday as Beefcake the Mighty?
ODERUS: The original Beefcake was there at the last GWAR BBQ. Yes, we have these hulking armored war suits and sometimes a different life force inhabits that armor. Occasionally these godlike beasts are taken on quests of a greater magnatine. Mangnatine! Did you just hear me try to make a new word there? Magnatine! Yes! It’s like magnitude and magnets together. And it means nothing. So I gave up on it. So, mainly we have suffused a new life force into the Beefcake war-suit. Yes it’s true! During the GWAR BBQ we had both of them at once. The old and the new Beefcake. It really doesn’t make any sense to me. No matter who is in the suit, we have a badass bass player.
MAA: How much in Earth dollars does the Whirling Human Death Machine take to keep the blades cruddy and ready to kill?
ODERUS: We try to grease everything in human blood and we run bout 1000 people per night. And I guess it’s about eight gallons per body. So to keep the machine in tip top filthy form it takes about 8000 gallons of blood is the minimum amount required a night and million earth dollars each show. Which means basically if you look at it, you get AIDS. We try to poop on the blades whenever possible.
MAA: Any chance there will every be another GWAR woman like Slymenstra Hymen?
ODERUS: I don’t know. There are so many hot little sluts out there. That is why we are gonna feed them to the World Maggot. See what little fucking whores are out there to possibly suck our dicks. But really no woman is gonna replace a GWAR woman. I’m happy GWAR is an all male outfit now. I’m glad GWAR doesn’t have any women in it to kick my ass and smash me in the face with a mace every time I say something that is not PC. This is a man’s world and GWAR is proving that every night! I know that if Slymentstra was here she would kick my fucking ass, but she’s not. So I will talk shit!
MAA: As much as you say you want to enslave, rape and destroy the Earth, you keep coming back. Why?
ODERUS: Yeah, it’s the crack. It’s as easy as that. When we got the Scumship on Lust In Space and escaped the planet we were so bummed. Because outer space had become so boring. There was no sluts, no air hockey tables, because we really like that and the crack in space was bullshit. Nothing compares to some of my dudes in Newark, NJ. They fucking cook some amazing shit! So it was the drugs, and the metal and the groupies and the sluts. And I kind of created the human race by fucking apes, so you are kind of like my retarded child. I mean you suck. I fucking hate you. I mean you are the best thing out there and that doesn’t make sense. We dig it! It’s better to rule in Hell than not rule in the other place. I think I got that right?
MAA: Will there be more special events like the Crack-A-Thon or the GWAR B-B-Q?
ODERUS: We want to keep doing this GWAR TV thing. Basically the internet is a platform where we can have our own fucking television station. It will be free until we can figure out a way to get money for it. We can totally control the programming. We actually had that for a long time, but it turned out that our webmaster was a complete worthless piece of shit and fucked it up. But we’re gonna get that rolling again. Basically a lot of people say ever since the internet, with everyone downloading everything- it has fucked up the whole music industry. That is true. But it has also given you a lot of opportunities you never would have had. I never would have believed you that eBay and PayPal, and U-Stream would be something a demon from way past Uranus could be on and make a profit from. And with those profits, I buy crack. We’ve become web savvy. We’ve only taken 27 years. It’s not a complete coincidence that you got the internet when GWAR woke up. It’s obviously a gift we gave ourselves so we could exploit ourselves with kiddie pornography. We’ve had sex with animals on camera and made money off of it. Well, not exclusively of each other. We’re working in that direction. We are getting some new shit done and then I realize I am a completely worthless, alcoholic crackhead. I’m lucky to light the pipe much less try deposit any money in a bank account.
MAA: Where is the GWAR suggestion box for the next on stage kill?
ODERUS: That is basically the Internet. People are bugging us all the time to ask us who they want us to kill. The winner this year (2011) hands down was Justin Bieber. Is that an indication of how pathetic the human condition has become? I could kill anybody on the face of the fucking planet and you want me to kill him? Fuck! We could have killed Rosie O’Donnell. Actually I would like to see Rosie set up with her face like an archery target because they are basically the same shape, right? You could drop three hundred things into her face and not hit one on the ass.
MAA: What is your favorite GWAR song to play live?
ODERUS: Usually “Sick of You” because it is such a great hit. It’s also because it has that section in the middle where I make up different lyrics. Plus, it’s usually the last song of the night so I know I am only about five minutes away from getting my dick sucked.
MAA: If you had a one unified message for the people of Earth what would you say?
ODERUS: It’s obvious: eat your own fecal matter. For years you guys have set up this entire planet and for years you have been flushing away what is the best source of protein on the planet. We’ve been feeding that shit to the world maggot for years and now we have grown an entirely new World Maggot, World Maggot part two just from eating human feces. There are planets out there that base their whole world economies on their shit. Eat your own poo and you will double in size overnight!
MAA: I’ll keep that advice about the poo thing in mind and thanks for the interview!
ODERUS: (manically) Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
(Special thanks to Mr. Urungus for not killing me, GWAR in general for being Gods, Metal Blade Records and Freeman Promotions. )
Interview by Keith (Keefy) Chachkes.